is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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