Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
