How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
