im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
