Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
