dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is it because I queefed?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human