Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.