On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
