at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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