Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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