Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
