Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Every concussion has its silver lining
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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