We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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