i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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