sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
