Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Couch. On fire.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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