There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
