He uses pillows to masturbate.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
