at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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