My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
