Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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