I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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