Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
