I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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