I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
