She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
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I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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