Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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