Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
