My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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