I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We need a shit load of segways right now
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
