have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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