Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
