Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
