I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
