I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
