You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
