There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
