Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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