dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
