ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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