New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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