Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
