Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
