how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
