This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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