Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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