haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
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I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize