Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
