you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think your dad took our porno
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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