Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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