We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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