she smelled like a LAN party
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize