I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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