There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
