Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
