god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
