if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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