I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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