This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
