we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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