eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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