So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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