He uses pillows to masturbate.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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