Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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