It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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